In honour of Bono's poetic tribute to Elvis, here's my own tribute to Bono. Childish? Yes. Heartfelt? Well, not really, but it passed a couple of minutes.
U2
rat poo,
a pestilential crew,
one of them’s only five foot two,
not the bald one,
or the ‘blonde’ one,
or the other one,
no, the one who owns private islands like Scaramanga in The Man With The Golden Gun,
Elvis follower,
God botherer
tax dodgerer,
eye linerer,
won’t even pay a library finerer,
got more dough than a Saudi oil refinerer,
lectures us not to over strive,
but to be like him, spiritualized,
swears when the feed’s being carried live,
quotes Bible verses but not Mark 10:25,
Elvis,
you liked Cole Porter’s ‘Begin the Beguine’,
lucky, cos I swam once in the guitar shaped pool of the Graceland Days Inn,
and that makes a good rhyme.
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92 comments:
Tee, and indeed, hee! Pretty good, that. Very good, actually.
Thanks Mr Stone. Is thy jib boom squared away ship shape and Bristol fashion?
er, what I mean is, are you going to the crime fest?
"won’t even pay a library finerer /
got more dough than a Saudi oil refinerer ..."
That's actually genius. Possibly because it's true.
Cheers, Dec
Dec
Cheers Mr B. And you are going to Bristol aren't you? Obviously I'm indisposed, but we're still on for Bouchercon 2010 arent we?
This is like admitting I'm a Philistine, but what exactly is it about Bono's effort that makes it a poem, aside from Bono calling it a poem? Yours at least rhymed. And was entertainig. More concise. Had had a sense of rhythmic meter. Contained a unifying thread that didn't cinsist of repeating every effing line with "Elvis."
This must be why I'm not published. I just don't "get" literature.
I couldn't get through Bono's *ahem* poem the first time, but I just went back and saw Prof Sutherland's interpretation. Ha! It starts out vaguely respectful, but winds up asking what the hell this crap is supposed to be about. Great stuff.
Anyway, what's the crime fest you speak of? Have I missed some important announcement?
Kinda childish, but sometimes, that is the absolute best kind of humor. I should know. I'm pretty childish. Quite the tribute, Adrian. Made me wiz my pants. Not really. But I did laugh out loud.
Adrian: I am going to have to find a way to work out a meeting between Bono and Lady M.
uno, dos, tres, Catorce!
Mike
Yeah Crime Fest Bristol - apparently its where all the cool kids are going.
Dana
Thats why we're poor and he's a billionaire, apparently he understands these things and we do not.
Patrick
Gimme a linky when you do.
Liam
Its like that show Scare Tactics that used to be on TV. I'm the only one I know that found it funny when Big Foot attacked the trailer. Childish.
Dylan
Did your accent worries get resolved?
Shoot. You forgot to copyright it.
Funny thing was...they actually believed bigfoot was trying to get them. I always have a laugh about that when I see reruns.
Adrian your poem is good, but if I may take the liberty, and I think I may, there is room for improvement. I think I am pretty much speaking for Bono in his absence, if that makes it easier to take. Or even if it doesn't.
First of all, your poem is way too short. I don't think you've included everything you know about Bono, and not reciting where he was born or what the names of his brothers and or sisters were and where they are today is a disservice to his fans, who are expecting a tribute to be inclusive.
Second, you did not take advantage of Bono's innovation of saying the subjects name at the start of nearly every sentence. When you are dealing with an aging demographic, you need to remember that his fans' memories are not what they once were, and even as they're enjoying your rhyme and wit and expression, they may be starting to feel a bit of anxiety trying to recall what you are talking about. It is so nice to know that at the beginning of the very next line we are going to get a little prompt that keeps us in the game. If that feels like copying, maybe you could end every line with the word 'Bono' instead.
I don't think you've really understood the way Bono has gone to a completely different country and captured its mythology and symbolism. It was so obvious that you could use Bono as a symbol for Africa, Darfur, AIDS and even for Nelson Mandela if you'd just taken about thirty more seconds with this piece. We are the World, Adrian. How could you forget that equation, even for a second?
Finally, it's much more effective to not just start out rhyming, which is so old school, but to trick the reader into thinking that you are writing free verse and then--fake out!--start your rhyming out of the blue. I think you thought this tribute was going to be read by a bunch of rappers and in that, you were very much mistaken.
Do keep trying, though. You know, A for effort and all that.
Peter Rozovsky is blogging from Bristol by the way, for anyone here who wants to know a bit more about CrimeFest. It's all certainly news to me.
Squire, B'con 2010 is where I'm already at. Anything else I do between now and then, it's just my avatar ... it'll be a blast.
Oh, and stop voting for yourself on the 'Sexiest Irish crime writer' poll ... it's just not sexy.
Cheers, Dec
Seana: You can't fool me. You've been getting pointers from my naive verse, and now you're shopping them to Adrian. In my defense, I want to let you know I am the poetic equivalent to that old farm guy in north Georgia who paints Bible people and verses on plywood. So I am, like Bono, impervious to criticism.
I haven't, but it seems that great minds really do think alike. You, me and Bono. Who'd have thunk it?
Oh, and go over and vote for Adrian on Declan's blog by the way. It won't help his sales, maybe--though who knows?--but it will sure help his mood.
Me, I voted for everyone, but don't tell the judge.
Liam
There was also a good one about a guy taking a potion that turned him into a werewolf and of course the kid bought it.
Seana
Very fair critique there I thought. Nora take note. Esp the aging demographic. I think Bono's well into his sixties. Thats why I had that Man With The Golden Gun reference in there too. Pretty sure only Bono and I have seen that film. Maybe Elvis did too. I should also have mentioned my visit to Tupelo, which was depressing, but you know why I didn't? Waht rhymes with 'depressing'? See, its not easy.
Patrick
They dont what hard work doggerel is, let them scoff. You, me and Mr Hewson will go out for a night on the tiles. Course he's buying the tight bastard.
Dec
I assume you're kidding about the sexiest crime writer thing. Let me jump on over...
Ok I didn't see anything, I've always been going for Ireland's toughest CW anyway, hence the mugshot on the back of me books. Ken Bruen, ok he's been through the wars but I reckon I could take him, Colin Bateman, he's a big lanky, wiry git but I reckon I could take him too. John Connolly looks far too nice. You? You worry me a bit I must say. Ger Brennan knows kung fu which is disturbing. Garbhan Downey and Brian McGilloway are both from Derry and Derry, frankly, scares the bejesus out of me so they might win.
Seana
Hmm, where are you seeing this vote thing? I read down a few posts and didnt see anything. If it helps I should point out that my bad haircut has grown out.
Oh right now I see it. I guess I'm a bit thick. Will that hurt my chances?
I suppose I should keep my views on gay marriage to myself then.
Oh, damn the torpedoes, I'm in favour of it.
I'm a bit thick.
That's really too much information.
I'm in favour of it.
Good boy.
A-
All you need is a drum track and you could start a rap battle online with that lyrical genius. Well done! Or maybe pitch it to Flight of the Conchords and they could do battle for you.
yes indeed Mr. McKinty
Adrian: That's the funny thing. I would bet a digit that if I could get both of you together on neutral turf -- say a place I know called McCarthy's in Fethard, Tipperary -- for an evening of serious drinking, you would both enjoy each other's company immensely.
But you know, Adrian, in order to get Paul there, we'd have to call it something like the "3rd International World Starvation and Helpless Victims Conference."
Being a bit dim, to leave Marco's double-entendre behind, never hurt anyone's chances in these sexiness contests. But I don't think Declan would even have let you into the contest. So you'll have to work something other than the male bimbo angle. Sorry.
Maybe work the 'bard for the new millennium' approach. Just a thought.
Marco
You must, like me, be a fan of the late Kenneth Williams
HB
One of the blows I reeled under was the end of FOTC a few weeks ago. The end forever they say, but lately I've been hearing rumours of a movie. The Rhymenocerous might be back!
Patrick
Precisely. And to tell the truth I bet he only drinks mineral water. Just a hunch. Or appletinis
Dylan
Thanks man.
Seana
I think the word is Himbo. Do you ever go to TMZ.com? Thats the lair of the professional himbo.
I had recently read an article about the Naughty Apocalypse contest, with titles of famous Sci-fi novels naughtily rearranged, and another one on double entendres, so...
In more serious news, today I spent 4 hours in the camper round hamlets and parishes and finally at night we had the official presentation, which had been postponed to Friday.
Went very well. Whatever will come, we are happy and relaxed, a lot of people are happy- and our adversaries are worried, and it shows.
We have a site, but it's in Italian and I don't look good in the photo, so I won't give it to you...
Tomorrow morning, flyers at the weekly market, and in the evening we start with one of the biggest parishes.
Goodnight.
Marco
Its a Saturday morning and I've got nothing to do so believe me I'll find that site. You must as well save me the bother and post the link.
I really hope you're sporting a mullet in those photos. Payback will be sweet.
Yeah, I thought to use himbo, but thought I was making it up. No, no TMZ. I don't even know what that stands for.
Marco, I'd just concede defeat already and post the link if I were you. If Adrian doesn't find it, I will... But I'm glad you all are feeling good about your efforts.
Patrick, I feel, with my extensive though non-existent psychological credentials, that Adrian's loathing of Big B is masking, well, far deeper loathing. If you do all meet up in a pub someday, I would advice not only not wagering a digit, but not even putting you digits anywhere within range of them.
Seana: Worry not about my digits, as I am a card-carrying member of the Society of American Magicians
(and in this I am absolutely truthful and sincere in this statement), so no one is ever going to take what's left of my fingers.
Of course, there is that missing first joint on the little finger of the left hand that was removed by my one time Yakuza associates, but this happened before I learned about false fingers and thumbs. If I say more, my membership is at risk...
By the way, did you ever see that chopping fingers episode of the old TV Hitchcock show? Awesome.
My favorite.
I think we have now come full circle.
By the way, if Bono really doesn't drink, that is a capitol offense worthy of slaying by the Lady M.
Pat
Thats a very famous story, originally by Roald Dahl for which he won an Edgar Award. Been at least 4 versions of it, but the Hitch show one is one of the best. The worst has to be QT's version in 4 Rooms where he decided to "improve on" the original.
I've been thinking about RD because my 6 yr old is on an RD jag having finished The BFG, C&TC Factory, The Twits, The Witches, J&TGP etc. and loving them. I never liked him - always much too frightening for me. Anyway we got Danny The Champion of the World one of the more obscure Dahls and on the back cover is a pic of the Dahl family including one of the grand-daughters who my wife suddenly announced she went to school with. If you can keep something like that secret for 10 years what else is lurking out there?
Seana
Dont go over to TMZ on my account.
I've got the rest of the day free now. Marco's mullet here I come...
Is that post up yet, Patrick? I've heard of character assassination but this is taking it to a whole new level.
As you are a bona fide card carrying magician, did you ever make it down to the Magic Castle in the L.A. environs somewhere? I went once, because my aunt's good friend was a card carrying magician as well, and it was pretty cool, although I bet there were some things that happened there behind the scenes that we guests were just not treated to.
Okay, I'll fear not for your fingers, but these guys are never going to get along. Work a harmony deal between North and South Korea and maybe then I'll believe you can broker it.
Well, not believe it, maybe, but not discount the possibility.
Also, Adrian?
impressing
digressing
aggressing
reblessing
stop messing
No. It's really not that hard.
You know, I do not remember that famous Hitchcock episode, but I have seen a movie with a gruesome finger cutting scene quite recently, as it happens.
I'm glad Arwynn is on a Roald Dahl kick. Is she a completist like her dad, do you think?
Here's kind of a double story about marriage. I wrote a little story once called "Wedlock". There's a moment in the story where the narrator confesses to not liking spaghetti, but having eaten some her then boyfriend made during their courtship, has never been able to confess to her now husband that she doesn't like the stuff. I happened to read this to a writing group at the time, and one of the members thought that strained believability. I thought, well, I based this on a real incident, but I'm not married, so what do I know. But then another member said, you know, my mom makes aspic salad all the time and my dad only just mentioned to her that he was not that awfully fond of it.
They had been married for close to fifty years.
Suffice it to say that my story was not revised. Eventually, it was published by the Nassau Review.
Seana:
I like that story idea. Makes a lot of sense to me.
Glad to know you like magic. Lots of people these days do not. Too many really bad magicians out there. Gives us all a bad name.
Magic Castle was a more interesting place when Dai Vernon was alive and living there. And if you don't know who Dai Vernon is, well, he's worth a Wiki search or even a read of one of the excellent biographies out there. An American individual in an age of plastic, Rand-reading, conformists.
I'll do a post on my blog one of these days about the best illusions I've ever seen. There really is some amazing work being done by some wonderful artists, but you'll never see it on TV.
Thanks, Patrick. I will look up Dai Vernon soon, and I'd really like to know whenever you get your illusions post up. There are such a lot of great stories about magicians, even bad ones, that I don't see how anyone can really be against them. I suspect that television cheapens the illusion in some way, because pretty much anything can be faked on film and we grow, well, disillusioned.
Last I looked, John Connolly was beating Adrian out by a nose on the sexiest front. Guys, get over your sexual identity issues and go over to Crime Always Pays and vote. Sexy can mean a lot of things. And if your mouse accidentally clicks on Tana French or someone, well, at least you tried.
Actually, they're neck and neck right now. What could be more thrilling than that?
Oh, but remember I'm not the mayoral candidate, I'm just one of the candidates for the council - the site is not under my name. I don't think is possible to find the site, even googling like mad, without knowing the name of the prospective mayor, so I feel relatively safe.
And it's only one small photo for every candidate in the list.
No mullet, though.Short hair, a little beard and a somewhat stupid expression.
Bye,
Marco
You should give us the name of your party at least so we can check out its policies.
Patrick
I know a good card trick: pick a card any card, put the card in a box or non see through container, let the punter rifle through the deck face down until they have two different cards, turn those cards over, say the 7 of diamonds and the 3 of clubs and the card in the box you announce is the 7 of clubs! Amazement. Applause.
Seana
Congratulations. You really should give us a link to the complete list of your pubs - there seem to be quite a few in different venues, might be nice to see the whole tapestry.
Nice try, but it is a civic list- no parties.
I could send you the program (in Italian) but I doubt you could make much out of it- in any case the major points are transparency in the administration and the concession of licences, eco-friendly planning,recycling and renewables, a much more sustainable and low impact development policy then we had before , clearing of illegal landfills, plus various proposals on public housing, , culture, school,outreach to the immigrant communities,care of the elderly, etc.
well tell me the town/commune I think you told me once before it'll just save me trolling through old comments.
Ok, here's the site And here's my awful photo .
I'm definitely not the sexiest in my list.
Marco
No you look pretty cool, cept you've definitely got a wait-they're-taking-photographs-today? look on your face.
Eva Fregosi though, ay yi yi. She's gotta be with the fascists or something, she's got that whole sexy/evil thing going on.
Sebastiano Toma is definitely a magician, or perhaps one of those street performers who pretends to be a statue for hours at a time.
Seana:
Is it too late to jump into this sexy competition? Wait.
I have consulted my inner sprits and they tell me yes, it is too late.
Adrian:
Is that the only trick you know? Do you have more?
Where did you learn your trick?
Patrick
Its my only trick. I made it up. Its not hard to figure out. The first part is a force, the second just needs a little finessing, but no one's ever figured it out. At least not yet. I've never done it on the same person twice though (except for my kids) because I think they may begin to see mischief in the second part.
What do you think of Ricky Jay?
Marco, that's your idea of a bad picture? I'll show you some bad pictures...Oh, wait a minute--maybe I won't.
In any case, you look very handsome. Thanks for giving in to the inevitable and showing it to us.
I don't get the magic trick. I don't mean I don't get how it's done, I don't get how it's a trick. I suppose I'd have to see it, but to me, it sounds more like just plain old fibbing.
Patrick, the only reason you're too late to enter the contest is that you have to have already written an Irish crime novel. Even sexy up and comers like Stuart Neville and Gerard Brennan have been excluded, simply because their books aren't out yet. Otherwise, Adrian would have a run for his money. Only thing is, there ain't no money.
Adrian:
Ricky Jay is a national monument.
Of course, 50% of what he knows came from Dai Vernon.
We members of SAM don't say the word "force" in mixed public. So shhh.
Adrian, there is good reason to cancel that drinking session with Paul Hewson and resched with Ricky Jay. I could teach you a few tricks (about ten useful forces for a start) and then Ricky could re-arrange our minds, all over a pint.
By the way, have you heard Mr. Jay's fantastic version of the old shanty "The Fiddler?" He sings.
Worth seeking out...on an album of such shanties called Rogue's Gallery. Great stuff.
By the way, I heartily also recommend Steve Earle's new album of Townes Van Zandt songs. Few good tricks there, too.
Adrian
- you've definitely got a wait-they're-taking-photographs-today? look on your face.
Some of us who didn't have recent photos were put against the wall and given no way out.
But the others came out better, and I always have that look anyway.
This evening I'll tell Eva: "a creepy Irishman I know said..."
Patrick
- Sebastiano Toma is definitely a magician, or perhaps one of those street performers who pretends to be a statue for hours at a time.
No, but I remember him, dressed a bit more haggardly, as a good Estragon.
It may interest you that we have four musicians on the list. Could have had one more if I had convinced my best friend to run in my place -he is a pianist at the Conservatory and also plays jazz for fun and gospel and classic for money but no no no this month schedule full I really can't so we made him committente elettorale which means he is legally responsible for every irregularity we may commit (posters 2 cm out of space, that kind of thing). Serves him right.
-Is it too late to jump into this sexy competition?
As Seana says, you don't qualify for the Irish Crimewriter part, but your eyebrows would beat even Corrigan's moustache in the facial hair subcompetition.
Seana
Sure you looked at the right photo? Handsome?
- Even sexy up and comers like Stuart Neville and Gerard Brennan have been excluded, simply because their books aren't out yet. Otherwise, Adrian would have a run for his money.
Damn right. Adrian would have needed to add to the Cuban heels and leather jacket a little country number, otherwise, Brennan all the way.
Ah, you guys. Ta for cheering me up. Wish I'd qualified for that competition now.
Right, I'm gonna start moisturising now. got to be ready for next year's poll.
And as a matter of record, Arlene Hunt has my vote.
gb
Marco:
Those aren't eyebrows, they are a couple of caterpillars I rented for the shoot of that self-portrait.
Seana
No, its a pretty tight trick. If I showed it to you 1 time you'd be copmletely amazed. Two or three times and you'd be less so.
Patrick
Nuff said.
RJ is the man. I went to see RJ and His 52 Assistants. It was very nice work.
Marco
I wouldnt mess with her. She's got that imperious look about her that would make lesser men crumble.
Adrian, maybe you could put the trick on YouTube someday. Of course, then everyone would figure it out eventually.
Marco, I stand by my verdict. And you have really led us astray with your big lack of fashion sense act. You are comparing yourself to other Italians, which might be too high a bar. Come to Santa Cruz sometime and you will see for yourself. Unfortunately, I am completely representative of my community in the slouchy Americian casual sense if no other.
Adrian:
If you like Jay's 52 A's, and want to learn some of that sort of thing, I can recommend a little book called "The Royal Road to Card Magic" by Hugard and Braue. You can pick this up in paperback at any good magic shop or online at Amazon. Lot's of great techniques and material here for about 15 bucks USD.
And if you are curious to know how RJ did that finale effect entitled "The Exclusive Coterie," you can find that in an excellent and mysterious little book called "The Expert At The Card Table," by SW Erdnase, which can also be had in paper cover for less than 10USD. This little gem has been in print for 107 years, and for good reason. Lots of good poker moves here, too, plus excellent magic.
This will keep you from wearing out your card in a box trick.
Patrick
With my Christmas amazon voucher I just ordered the former.
Seana
Dont think Arwynn is a completist. She gave up on those Little House books after the third or fourth one when her little sister went blind and Jack (the dog) died.
In James and the Giant Peach of course James's parents are killed and eaten by an escape rhino on page 1 but that didnt have the same impact as poor old Jack kicking the bucket.
I expect that it wasn't a judgment on parents per se, though. A death on page one makes it hard to form an attachment.
I never did understand why they kill off so many animals in kid's stories. Old Yeller, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Yearling. I think it's supposed to build character or something, but I think it's just manipulative. Of course with L. Wilder, the things really happened, so I guess that's not a case in point.
I think of Lemony Snicket being a bit like Roald Dahl, though still maybe a bit old for Arwynn. I'd be curious what you guys think if and when you hit upon them. I enjoyed them, though stopped somewhere midstream. But there are definitely two camps--one which finds them amusing and one which finds them irritating.
Adrian: It's a great book, arranged in sequence as a basic introduction to card magic, and if you follow the sequence and use the tricks taught in every chapter, you should be quite proficient in about a year. Practice, of course, is key.
There is a great DVD series by the same name and following the same curriculum by R. Paul Wilson. It's about 80 USD, and is worth it to see the techniques in action, but I would recommend this only if you are really hooked.
Seana
Have not tried Lemony, but I may have seen the film. Billy Connolly wasnt in it by any chance?
Patrick
Be nice to expand my skills. I forgot to say that once I did a really beautiful two hander with my brother in law at a party. We laid out a dozen or so cards on a table. He left the room with a random person who went with him to make sure he couldnt see in, meanwhile someone picked a card with their mind and tried to communicate their "mental energy" onto the card with the tips of their fingers. He came back into the room and ran his hand over the dozen or so cards trying to pick up on this "mental energy". Of course he got it every time. We stopped it after about six goes because everyone was freaking out and he was "mentally exhausted." It was nice work, you would have been proud.
Seana
I made the effort for my legion of PRs, spin doctors, fashion consultants, manicurists, pedicurists, lepidopterists and taxidermists.
Though I'll have you know that at the presentation I had our Idee in Comune t-shirt over that shirt and of course the collar was tucked in on one side and protruding out on the other.
Only the mother of our mayor candidate- incidentally my Latin professor ages ago- told me- the others probably tought it was my style or had already learned to give up the fight.
-I never did understand why they kill off so many animals in kid's stories.
From the excellent Tv Tropes site:
Death By Newbery Medal
Marco
Yeah I agree with what they say - it's from the same part of the store where you buy Oscar bait. I hate books where animals get killed, but I hate the films more, especially when they play that lush string filled score.
Adrian, yes, Billy Connolly was in the movie.
Marco, thanks for the link. I never really thought of it as medal seeking before.
I probably already mentioned the ritual that went on in at least our Denver school where every year the teachers all read Where the Red Fern Grows aloud to their sixth grade classes. The kids all knew through school lore that the dogs die in the end but the girls all cried and the boys all tried not to anyway. Talk about your rite of passage.
Funniest line from that article:
"The Newbery has probably done far more to turn kids off to reading than any other book award in children's publishing."
Did I say funny? I meant tragic. Tragic.
Marco, once you guys win, the one collar in, one collar out look will doubtless be all the rage. I have always been the type of person who everyone has to rearrange in exactly the same way, so I sympathize, although on the other hand, I pretty much figure if anyone's so bothered by the tag sticking out of my shirt, say, they should be the ones to fix it, as it obviously isn't bothering me.
I had visions of you rapping that for some horrible reason :)
Cam
No bro, I'm saving that for my Shatneresque concept album.
DO IT!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE!!
This one's for you:
http://blip.fm/~6lb1d
Cameron
I can feel the tears welling up.
I have to provide an active link to that:
shatnerNice Lee Marvin pic too. That must be from Point Blank no?
yeah it's pretty emotive stuff. yep. POINT BLANK (I'm pretty sure).
You a fan? I love Lee. I wonder if I can blip "wandering star" from PAINT YOUR WAGON...hmm. I'll look into that. Perhaps you can cover that on your album...won't be any worse than Lee's version.
Cam
Big fan. Post after next I think I'll upload that John Boorman doc he made about Lee - its very good.
nice. i've not seen that.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Margaret
http://guitarlearntoplay.net
Thanks Alana, I appreciate that.
Although a blogger probably needs all the fans they can get, Alana is actually spam. I just got the same message text on an old post of mine, although this time 'Alana' signed in as 'Jesus'. (You can imagine how careful I was not to offend.}Being nice to spam--yeah, that's how I want to spend my time.
Ha! Took me in.
Why did they pick Jesus for you?
Perhaps there's some secret message there eh? Look for confirmation in your next packet of tacos or on that strange stain behind the fridge.
You know, I was going to make some smart aleck comment to this person about this person using Jesus as a screen name, but then realized it could actually be some Spanish speaker. True, the name Margaret in the actual text should have clued me in. Also that in my version, her weblink lead to some sort of warcraft game.
This stuff is likely to just get more and more sophisticated, isn't it? I mean even this simple ploy was effective. In five years time, we probably won't even know who's real and who isn't. And we may even like the unreal ones better. Especially if they say nice things to us.
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